As we discussed in last week’s post, identity can be a tricky subject for authors as they decide whether they want to publish using a pseudonym. However, it isn’t only the author’s identity that may need to be concealed, at least when it comes to memoir, which tells a portion of their life story. But it isn’t just their story that makes its way into a memoir manuscript; it’s also portions of other peoples’ stories, people who undoubtedly impacted the author’s life.
Each memoir author must decide if they will reveal or conceal the names of and details about the people who played a role in the manuscript’s events. This decision must be made with consideration for the personal, professional, and legal consequences of naming and identifying real individuals.
Personal
By definition, a memoir is a portion of the author’s life story. In many cases, though, an author’s story includes the involvement of other individuals, whether those people are still an active part of the author’s life or not. There are three components to assess regarding personal relationships and individual identities in your memoir:
- While your memoir is your experience, is it possible that what you have to say could hurt someone’s feelings? While it’s possible even after you’ve changed individual names, someone you wrote about may read it and have their feelings hurt, it’s reassuring for all involved to know that their identity has been concealed.
- Could your experience with another individual damage their reputation? As Anne Lamott once said, “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” While you may wish to write about the people who have wronged you and how you overcame it, make sure that the focus of the narrative is on your journey. Remember that the purpose of memoir is to share your story, not to seek revenge.
- Is there a risk for the other individual’s romantic relationship, professional career, or family life if you reveal their identity? Although another person’s interactions with you undoubtedly influenced or impacted your life story in some way, if telling your story would, in turn, disrupt their life, is that a personal (and potentially legal) situation you’re prepared to face?
In regard to writing memoir and your personal relationships, it’s important to assess why you want your story to be told. Do you want to tell your story and share something you’ve learned or overcome, or is it to “stir the pot” in some way? If it’s the latter, you can still start writing, but we advise you to put that draft away for a time until you can re-read it from an objective place, akin to your future readers. After all, most nonfiction readers favor this genre to learn something about the world or another way of life, not to read page after page of vengeance.
Legal
Although exact legal standards may vary by area, libel is a valid concern for memoir writers everywhere. According to Cornell Law School, libel is “a method of defamation expressed by print, writing, pictures, signs, effigies, or any communication embodied in physical form that is injurious to a person’s reputation; exposes a person to public hatred, contempt or ridicule; or injures a person in their business or profession.”
For memoir writers, libel becomes a concern when the person(s) written about could be identified by readers everywhere and if what was written about those persons was done so with malice. Typically, the party bringing the claim (i.e., the person(s) written about) must be able to prove that what was written is false and that they’ve suffered in some way because of it. If you’re concerned that what you want to include in your memoir could be considered libelous, we encourage you to speak with a lawyer in your area.
However, usually, libel can be avoided if you publish under a pseudonym and/or change all identifying details about the person(s) you’re writing about. In such scenarios, the identity of individual(s) you’ve written about can only be revealed if they acknowledge they’re that person. As W.C. Fields said, “It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.” While using someone’s real name may have legal consequences, if you change their identity in your manuscript, you’ve taken steps to create a protective barrier within your work.
Ethical
Your memoir is your story, not anyone else’s. With that in mind, it’s important to remember that you, the author, are the only one who gets to choose what goes into it…and that includes who is in it. Simply put, you’re choosing to write it, and those you include in it receive no choice in the matter (unless you elect not to publish it without their blessing). While you can always ask their permission to include portions of their story that directly impacted yours, that request is usually intimidating to hear. Nonetheless, pairing that request with the plan to protect the individual’s identity oftentimes helps.
In most cases, a story can be told fully, even with the names changed. When it comes to memoir drafting and publication, however, there are a few different ways you can tell your story without revealing any identifying details.
During the drafting stage, memoir authors have two options:
- Write your draft using everyone’s real names and descriptions, but commit to changing them later (we recommend using a note sheet to make these changes), or
- Create a sheet with a column of everyone’s real names and another column with their new identities and descriptions as they will appear in your manuscript before you start drafting.
If it’s easier for you to write the whole story without changing identifying details, that’s okay—just make sure you alter those details before your manuscript is broadly read (Word’s “Find and Replace” tool can be a handy help for this, though you may still need to proofread the document to make sure the program caught all the changes!). When it comes to changing identifying details, though, remember to evaluate which details matter and which ones can be changed.
For example, let’s say a writer, known as Leanna, grew up in poverty and wants to write a memoir about her decision to become a social worker. Leanna grew up in poverty because her parents were consistently bailing her aunt out of jail and paying her aunt’s legal bills; these circumstances cannot be changed because they’re a part of Leanna’s history. However, while writing her memoir, Leanna could change her aunt’s name from Misty to Michelle, which would conceal her aunt’s identity without changing the story. And if Leanna decided she wanted to become a social worker because of the way she saw her aunt struggle, telling portions of her aunt’s story as they impacted Leanna’s is a logical literary decision. Nonetheless, if Leanna decides to publish her book under her real name, she’d need to consider how her aunt might react when she finds out about the book or talk to her aunt in advance and say that she’s drafted the book and wants to publish it but has taken measures to protect her aunt’s privacy. It’s important for Leanna to consider that her aunt may not approve of Leanna’s writing decision, but ultimately, it’s Leanna’s choice what she does next.
Writing memoir presents each author with a unique challenge: how to tell the truth while protecting the privacy of individuals in the story. No matter your relationship with the people included in your story at the time you begin drafting, it’s important to consider how their lives may be impacted when people begin reading your work. When in doubt, it can help to take some time away from the manuscript in order to gain some perspective on the content, and when it’s safe to do so, remember, it’s usually better to give someone a heads-up about what you’re doing, rather than hoping they’ll never find out (but that doesn’t mean you should let their opinions prevent you from following your dream!). Additionally, consulting a professional—such as a developmental editor for content assessment and a lawyer for any libel risk—is always a good idea, too. In the end, though, we encourage you to keep writing…no one else will ever tell your story the way you can.
Josha Publishing, LLC 